And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.. Luke 1:47
As I stated in my previous blog post, we laid a good woman to rest today. And since coming home from her funeral I just needed to be... I needed a “reset” on my soul.
Most people know me as an extreme extrovert. Which I am toward the public, I mean seriously I could talk to a wall all day if needed. But there is this other side of me that is extremely introverted too. Most never see this. Only a few select people in my life have actually seen me need to get away to “reset”. Being an empathic person is wonderful in so many ways but by the end of the day, I’m done. No t.v., no electronics, I just can’t. And on days I attend a funeral... I barely make it to noon without needing to escape to my “reset“ mode. If its I get lost in an incredible book, scripture and/or just simply sleep. I just need my “me” time. I need to step away from everything and pause. Find rest in my soul.
Today was that day, and I knew I had to take full advantage during my daughters nap because I knew I was going to be around my kids for the rest of the night with no reinforcement from anyone. Drew had been up all day with me at the funeral, my mom was having a terrible day and I didn’t want to burden her with more stress just because I needed a reset. So I went to dive into scripture. Well that was a fail because I passed out before even opening my bible. Clearly my body needed rest. And you know what, that was ok.
My son got off the bus, and I’m very happy I had my nap because my daughter was also up, and God-love their spirited natures, but this mama knew that them two alone can suck a lot of energy out of me by themselves. Not to mention on a day of a funeral that is filled with so much empathy. But you know what, it was just what this mama’s heart needed this evening.
After feeding them, getting Tyson in and out of the shower, we sat down and watched a movie, Homeward Bound. And they did amazing sitting there watching and by the end of the movie I watched my son cry happy tears for Shadows return to his best friend. And to see such empathy in a 5 year old little boy is just simply amazing to me. I mean think about it, how many little 5 year old boys care that much for others when they have themselves to think about? My son does, he truly feels things. He truly cares and loves and oh my goodness that big heart of his, I can only pray he never loses that compassionate light he has inside of him. I swear Dylan even has a little tear come out of her left eye when Shadow returned. My babies. My sweet sweet tender-hearted babies.
But anyways - that subject could be a whole other blog post. After the movie ended around 7pm, Drew was up and we all climbed into Tyson’s bed, like we do every single night, and read stories and said our prayers. Then Tyson and Dylan laughed and giggled and got wound up at the very last second as they always do every single night. Lol. Drew and I eventually have to holler for them to settle down, but there is a true joy in our hearts seeing how much they truly love each other and love laughing and playing together. I mean my heart could explode.
Then after saying our good-nights with kisses and hugs for everyone, Dylan (literally) leaps into my arms as I climb down the ladder from the top bunk. My heart explodes again knowing she knows its mommy and hers time to go snuggle up in her crib while daddy lays down with Tyson for a little bit too. Fortunately for Drew, he doesn’t have to climb into a baby crib every night (lol).
But you know what, I love it!
I adore every single second that my little baby girl wants me to climb into her crib and lay down with her for just a little bit every single night. And by golly, if I could type with my mind while laying in that crib with my daughter every single night, this blog would never go quiet. The peace in my heart from the time spent as a family to these precious moments when my daughter doesn’t really need me, but just wants me there with her, truly my heart could explode.
These are the moments I live for and these are the moments I truly feel so close to God.
And our favorite part of the night is beginning to be when I start whispering things in her little ear before I climb out of her crib. The moment I realize that she is not going to actually fall asleep while I am in there is when I will lean in while she’s snuggling me, and I start whispering how smart, kind and important she is and how she was fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. How God loved us so much He sent His only son, Jesus, to save us and give us eternal life in Heaven. There’s many things we laugh and giggle about too, but those are the main ones we touch on every single night. I want it burned into her brain, I never want her to doubt His love for her. I never want her to doubt her self-worth, to only know how truly amazing she is to God and He is the only one that matters. That His love for her is eternal as long as she chooses to follow and love Him. So between all the snuggles, nose-kisses, and “boops“ on her little button nose, I whisper in her tiny little ear, an abundance of things that I always want her to know, without any doubt, without any hesitation: she is a child of God, daughter of the One True King.
These are the moments I live for every single day. These are the moments that heal my soul. These are the moments that cause me to hit pause on life and just live in the moment. These are the moments, I feel God, I hear Him and know that I am blessed in these good times, but also in the bad times. Granted, I always pray for more good than bad, who doesn’t? But as I mentioned in another blog post, I now know that I am forgiven and fully loved by our King, our Father, HE loves me, and I love Him too.
& by golly, I don’t want it to take 32 years for my kids to know this too.
2 Chronicles 6:14 “O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven or on earth, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to your servants who walk before you with all their heart.”
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” - 1 John 4:7-21 ESV