As I sit here in the camper as my husband and daughter sleeps (our traitor son decided to stay at grandmas tonight, lol), my heart is overwhelmed with so much happiness and love for the man that I get to lay next to tonight. I was so overwhelmed I had to get up and write.
The Man in the Mirror
I have had the honor of watching my husband grow so much over the past nine years together. Some probably thought he was going to amount to nothing one day, and he would be the first to tell you that very well could had been the case. He was on the road of disaster. But luckily for me, he pulled through by the time I randomly ran into him again for the 3rd time in 5 years that faithful June 4th Saturday morning in Walmart parking lot. If you’re a Bible reader, you start to know it‘s a “God thing” after the 3rd time, lol.
Anyways, fast forward nine years later and I am one of those sappy wives claiming to love her husband more now than she ever could had dreamed when I said “I do!” And honestly, it is so true. I thought I loved Drew when we got married, but it was nothing compared to the day when I saw him give up his selfish pride and put me and our marriage first. And then I didn’t think I could love him more till the days he stood by my side as we continuously tried to get pregnant and failed over and over again.
And my gosh, I never ever once even dreamed I could love him more than the day - the exact moment - I saw him become a father to our first born son, Tyson. I witnessed a true miracle that day. The way he couldn’t take his eyes off of Tyson the moment he came out of my belly. He was in a one sighted zone and the way he looked at our son for the very first time, I knew then he was changed forever. Not to mention how he high jacked him and took him to the room before I even got to hold him kiss him - anything! Lol But truly, all kidding aside, that was the most beautiful moment I still reflect on regarding him. That look on his face made me fall in love with him to the point I thought there was absolutely no way it could ever be topped.
But then the day came when Drew became my true partner in our home. I was no longer alone in cooking and cleaning the house by myself. He stepped up in ways that I never even dreamed. I certainly never witnessed in my own childhood home (lol). He no longer made me feel like a maid, but a true partner by my side, never alone, never faltering.
And then our daughter, Dylan Marie was born, and my heart was rocked to the very core. Not only was it amazing to watch him with her in the beginning but also seeing how much our son had already picked up on his “daddy traits” - you know the ones that are created in children from birth by their environment in the home. My son’s enormous heart that had so much love and caring nurture for his new baby sister bout made my heart explode. You know he got that from his daddy. Our son is truly one of the best big brothers to his baby sister because he has always seen how daddy has treated mommy. And how daddy treats baby sister. And oh my goodness, don’t even get me started on how much my heart melts when he looks at our daughter. She’s got him wrapped around every single little finger and toe of hers and I adore every single second of it. She has so much fun with daddy and you can tell how much she trusts him, loves him and adores him. She truly knows he is ALWAYS there for her, and did I mention she is not even 2 quite yet? And you may ask how I could possibly know that, but just watch them together, she’s smart, and he’s amazing - there’s not a single doubt in her when it comes to her daddy.
But then there is one more thing....
I hit the jackpot with him. I love him for so many reasons. I respect him for the same and more. It is truly rare these days to find a man who respects women without a fault. Drew has never once EVER - in nine years of being together, called me a “bitch” or any other single degrading name. Even when I would say, “I know I am being a bitch,” he will almost throw down with me even more making sure I never say that about myself nor will he ever say it about me. Even when I am truly out of control and being horrible to him, he has never went there with me. He wouldn't and he would never. He has always stood his ground in true respect toward me. Which I can only pray our son respects women and his future wife one day like his daddy.
He has never once made me doubt him. I always say that I could put Drew in a room full of a 1000 women - extremely gorgeous and willing - and I would be more shocked if he walked out of there cheating on me. The trust is so strong it‘s almost unheard of these days. But I do, I trust him so much it‘s not even a consideration because he’s laid that foundation for our marriage.
I know he loves me on my best days and on my worst days. He checks his pride out the door when it comes to me and the kids. He loves me so much and sometimes I have no clue why, lol. He truly always hears me out and stands by my side no matter what. And he makes me feel beautiful with his love. The more I age, the more my body changes and I am uncomfortable, the more he shows me what he sees, and you know all I can think is, “man I hope he stays this delusional!” Lol I just don’t want to lose him. And after mentioning these three things above, I pray my daughter (unlike her mommy growing up) never ever settles for less than she deserves because of the earthly man she got to call her, “daddy”.
When My Heart Exploded - February 15, 2020 - The Cycle Was Broken
My heart is overwhelmed with so much love and joy right now typing out and reflecting on all these things. Everything my husband had to endure growing up and that he had to hold in for so long without anyone to talk to - to say I am honor that he chose me and chooses me every single day is an understatement. And the fact that my husband hasn’t drank a lick of alcohol since February 15th, 2020, I think this one might take the cake for this decade of marriage.
Drew and I’s marriage always struggled when alcohol was involved. I grew up in a home where alcohol was drank daily and in multiples. I never once knew of anything else. Come home from work, start drinking. Family gatherings, lets buy a keg, lol. And for the most part all fun and games. No biggie. But I did see a lot of fighting. A lot of unnecessary fighting. A lot of heartache that didn’t need to be there. A lot of doubt, hurt, hateful words that never needed to be said. But this February, Drew decided it was time to break the cycle: no more “just having a couple of beers after work every single day”. And to say it’s made all the difference in our marriage is an understatement. It’s funny to me because I don’t think he was an alcoholic. Most would say he wasn’t either. Heck majority of my family would defend him to the end for it, but HE calls himself an alcoholic, and if he believes he is, then I stand by him in support of his decision to put his relationship with God first then our family.
That’s exactly how it should be.
It took Drew a long time, but he finally is truly dealing with his demons of his past. And he knew alcohol wasn’t helping the situation at all. It was making him more depressed, selfish and mentally exhausted. He would just drink more and more to overcome the feelings until he would finally sleep. I have always caught it in the past, called him out on it and it would be better for a month then down the rabbit hole we’d go again. You’d think it would be obvious after nine years of the same song and dance, but when drinking is made out to being so nonchalant all your lives, “What’s the big deal if I want to have a drink after I get off work?” And honestly, if it was just one drink once in awhile, I truly don‘t see it as a big deal, however, it is when you cant go a single day without a taste of beer, and when that one beer turns into two or three or four, and then that once in awhile turns into every other day to every single day, multiple beers a day. That’s a problem even if you always have seen it as “normal”. That’s when a cycle has been formed - sometimes even down generations....
I didn’t point this out to him this final time, I didn’t even notice if I am truly honest with you right now because I honestly was too busy with my photography business and the kids and I completely missed my husband getting out of control. But that’s how I know this was a “God thing,” the Holy Spirit stepped in and created a new spirit within my husband, the father to our kids. And I am truly grateful, words cannot even express ... I’m speechless. Tears are truly filling my eyes.
Because with his addiction, God also forced me to zero in on my new idol, my God-given talent and love for my photography business caused me to not only be too busy for God, but also for me to completely miss my husband suffering again, and I knew I needed a change internally as well. God has done some truly amazing work deep within our hearts this year, and I truly am speechless reflecting on it all right now. Babe, how amazing has this year been throughout all the crazy of the world, God - Our God, Heavenly Father stepped in and I mean, seriously, LOOK WHAT HE DID IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS CRAZINESS?!
I’m truly blown away.
Happy Father’s Day
Babe, I know you will be reading this at some point today, and I know no words I write will ever do justice to how amazing of