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I Was Saul - Book of Acts, Chapter 9

“All who heard him were astounded and said, “Isn’t this the man in Jerusalem who was causing havoc for those who called on this name and came here for the purpose of taking them as prisoners to the chief priests?” But Saul grew stronger and kept confounding the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus is the Messiah.” - ‭‭Acts‬ ‭9:21-22‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Hearing the church sermon this morning was quite the experience today. So strong I felt compelled to write this blog. So here we go, I’m Allie Silvernale and I use to be Saul, still working on becoming my own unique version of a Paul.

Now no, I was not murdering people - I wasn’t a “murderous woman”. I’d hope I’d be in prison if I was truly killing people in the name of “hating Christ”. And I wasn’t necessarily a person of “power” BUT I said things like “the Bible is a good book” or “the bible is stories of horrible things in the old testament“ or ”I believe the Bible to be more metaphor then true“. Yes, I said all these things, and more. I had a terrible chip on my shoulder when it came to the Bible. I was confused. I was hateful sometimes. I would question every single thought, phrase and word used. I went in on my journey this January 2020 of reading the Bible chronologically - for the first time ever (in general not just chronologically)- but more as a devil’s advocate then a true believer. To find I was completely, undeniably misinformed.

Little Background: The Old Testament

I’ve had so many people, I lost count, tell me “I don’t really go by the Old Testament!” And now, I am just like WHY? How? How can you not? Oh my goodness the Old Testament is so good! So so good! For so many years I couldn’t stand to even think about reading the bible let alone the Old Testament, but I’m here to stand proudly and say “You are missing the true message of God’s love and forgiveness if you do not ever read that Old Testament.” Oh my goodness, the Old Testament is incredible. It was shortly after the Book of Judges, I started truly seeing things more clearly and I can’t remember the exact moment, but I am pretty sure it was in 1 Samuel that the Bible truly transformed in front of my eyes. And it was incredible! God is love and forgiveness! I do not know how any one can truly read through the entire Old Testament and NOT see how much God loves us and how much He truly forgives us over and over and over again. It truly is incredible and all the way back from the very beginning when Eve ate the fruit, God has shown nothing but kindness, compassion, forgiveness and love.

Back to Saul

So today as I was watching Pastor Joy’s sermon online this morning, before she even gets to the explanations as she was speaking about Saul, I sat there and felt the Holy Spirit say to me, “see how you use to be a Saul.” Again, I wasn’t murdering anyone because of their beliefs, but if I am honest with myself, I was murdering God with my uneducated beliefs. Never really TRULY reading the Bible from start to finish, I was spewing my uneducated, uninformed thoughts as a challenge to anyone who would push theirs on me. It was my defense mechanism. “Don’t tell me!” type of thing.

Praying for Wisdom to “Send Me”

Recently I have been praying for wisdom a lot. Wisdom to follow God humbly. Wisdom to love others and to raise my children in God’s light. Wisdom to follow God with every part of my being. Wisdom on how to become Jesus’ disciple in my every day life. Basically becoming a “reformed modern day unique version of Paul”. But I use that lightly as an expression for this particular blog. Paul was Paul and he did work for God how God called him in his time. I am Allie and I want to do the work God called me to do as Allie Silvernale. If I am meant to lead my children and only them while being a God-fearing role model for them and my closest friends. Okay! If I am meant for a new life in women’s ministry, then *insert large gulp of fear* “Okay, Lord, here I am! Send me!” *knees shaking* lol. But I am serious, I am here, send me Lord!

Even now, as I write this blog, I’m terrified how some will read it and chastise me from my past or what they knew me as before. There’s a fear about stripping your soul and putting it out there, thats what this blog started out to be in the beginning. Basically my personal online blog that I only shared with specific people as I wrote and worked things out that I was no longer able to do in my journal because photo editing has taken a toll on my hands. So when I could barely write a couple sentences without being in extreme pain, I kept feeling a push to start this blog. I have let it guide me, shape me and reveal to me God’s answers for me during this journey. And now I am feeling compelled to share it publicly more and more, and I am terrified. Because let’s be honest, there are wonderful things about living in a small town, but sometimes baring our souls, that’s hard y’all! Past has told me that we small towns aren’t very opening to allowing people to shake things up a bit. However, as I read multiple times as I have been studying the New Testament strongly,

“They are from the world. Therefore what they say is from the world, and the world listens to them.” - 1 John‬ ‭4:5‬ ‭CSB‬‬

So then I think, it’s ok, I am not forcing anyone to hear my “Jesus Freak” messages. I am not forcing anyone to click on the link I post to Facebook. Scroll on by if that’s how you see fit.

However, for all who are still reading up till this point: Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself you were a Saul and/or still are a Saul. That’s okay. I invite you to chat with me and tell me your solid reasoning why you are a Saul and demand to still be. I’m here to listen. We can speak respectably about this subject because I have now been on both sides. I went from, as my blog states, thinking the stories of the Bible should be more of a metaphor to believing in His Word as The Truth with a capital T. I’m almost through the bible. I think I have 46 days left on the chronological reading and I am also re-reading the New Testament in 90 days with another beautiful soul of a friend of mine, and the messages are so loud re-reading through all these it’s incredible. And I cannot wait to finish these last 40 days in hopefully less than 20 days so that I can start over and re-read from the very beginning with new fresh eyes.

Like today, I had no idea the Holy Spirit was going to compel me to sit and write after hearing my gorgeous Pastor Joy’s sermon this morning. I never dreamed I would share this link publicly finally. But here I am down to the final minutes before I publish this link and hit share to Facebook.

I invite you to listen to her sermon first. The message is amazing. And then I invite you to go back to the beginning of the month to her first sermon on the Book of Acts and just get caught up. Because every single week the Holy Spirit has been working amazingly through her to teach the Word of God.

But then like her, I invite you to truly hear the Holy Spirit tell you which type of blind you are. Like me, you might hear before she even has to explain, but also like me, you might here you also have a little of Ananias in you too, where you need to currently work on that as well.

Humble yourself.

Hear the Holy Spirit.

Love people enough to know where you lack and are being called to do more.

Because at the end of the day, God is good. So so good. And in order to be like Christ, we have to first humble ourselves enough to ask the big questions that we don’t want to answer. How do I fix myself in order to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ. How do I humble myself in order to make God smile down on me with a proud sense of love and pride? Because that is all that truly matters. Just read the Book of Ecclesiastes people. Truly read Solomon’s words, the man who was blessed with Wisdom from God. A man who had everything in life. Truly everything. And even he knew God’s love was more than any worldly things and/or people of this world.

“When all has been heard, the conclusion of the matter is this: fear God and keep his commands, because this is for all humanity.” - Ecclesiastes‬ ‭12:13‬ ‭CSB‬‬

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s possessions — is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does the will of God remains forever.” - ‭‭1 John‬ ‭2:15-17‬ ‭CSB‬‬



Facebook link to Community Church of God’s July 5, 2020 Sermon

Acts 9: 1-31

“Now Saul was still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord. He went to the high priest and requested letters from him to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he fou